


Old Memorial

by LiterallyThePresident



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Cassian used to fuck up all of Bodhi's shit, Kisses, M/M, Scars, now he's guilty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8946472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyThePresident/pseuds/LiterallyThePresident
Summary: "It's funny. Just... Cassian, both of those cargo ships were me." Cassian and Bodhi have had encounters before, they just didn't know it.





	

Cassian waited for the laughter to die down before continuing his story. "So the transport's pilot was a tough bastard, giving my men hell, but when I saw the fighter getting ready to fire on us, I changed direction and rammed the transport as hard as I could, and pushed it into the fighter's path. They collided and it bought enough time for all our ships to escape. And the explosion was absolutely beautiful!"

He grinned as everyone broke out into laughter and cheers. All except Bodhi, who had an odd expression on his face, he'd been uncharacteristically silent since Cassian's last story about the kyber transport he'd forced into a planet's atmosphere.

"What's the matter, Bodhi? You're awfully quiet." Cassian grinned at him from across the table, searching for any sign of approval in his face. Bodhi was quiet a moment longer, trying to hide a grin. Cassian noticed his hands weren't shaking, a sure sign that he felt safe.

"What is it, Bodhi?" Jyn poked, "Come on, don't keep us in suspense." Bodhi gave in and chuckled, the cheerful sound drawing a smile even from Baze.

"It's funny. Just... Cassian, both of those cargo ships were _me_." Bodhi finally spoke.

"What?" Cassian questioned, brows furrowing. Bodhi looked far too excited, a light flaring in his eyes as he started to talk.

"That transport you sent spiraling into Geonosis was a kyber transport. I had been grounded a week prior for... disciplinary reasons, and had just been cleared for small outer rim missions. My copilot and I thought it was gonna be an uneventful delivery until this group of rebel ships came right the kriff out of nowhere and started firing!" Bodhi laughed, fond remembrance in his eyes, "And that's also the day I found out my copilot of three weeks was a rebel infiltrator. She shot me."

Cassian had to take a moment to remember who had been on that particular mission, "Copilot... Syndulla?"

"Middle aged-ish green twi'lek woman?" Bodhi questioned, "Green eyes?"

"That's her. General Syndulla shot you?" Cassian laughed, echoed by the other people in their group.

"Right in the chest." Bodhi laughed, accepting a new cup of caf from Chirrut.

"You should feel blessed to have been personally assaulted by General Syndulla herself." K2 quipped, drawing a ringing laugh from Bodhi.

"It didn't feel like it at the time. I remember seeing the rebel ships open fire on my fellow pilots, and moving to go help them, then a blaster was at my head and my copilot was telling me to step away from the controls. I obeyed, of course, she was terrifying, but she shot me anyway. Luckily it was just a stun blast." Bodhi shrugged, "I think she liked me, said I was a good kid. Although she did steal my helmet, which was weird but I wasn't about to say anything."

"That ship was burning up in the atmosphere, how did you survive if you were stunned?" Cassian asked, the mirth diminishing slightly, a rock settling in his stomach at the memory of the disintegrating ship and new knowledge that Bodhi had been on it.

"I woke up in an escape pod on the planet's surface." Bodhi shrugged, "Syndulla must have saved me."

"She has a soft spot for optimists." K2 shook his head.

"What about the other mission?" Jyn asked, "The one where Cassian blew up a transport ship?" Cassian winced, the story no longer as amusing as it was moments ago, but Jyn didn't notice.

"Oh yeah, I was there." Bodhi said lightly, "I still have a scar from the explosion. The other pilots and I liked to bet on whose cargo would be stolen or destroyed by rebels that particular week, and that scar earned me so many credits."

Cassian felt his stomach drop, every muscle in his body tensed up and there was a moment where he struggled to unclench his jaw to speak.

"You were on the ship when I rammed it? When it blew up?" he asked, feeling sick.

"Yes, I was the pilot." Bodhi said, like it should have been obvious, "You pushed us into our allies' ship and I wasted a few minutes trying to salvage the situation when the controls stopped responding and the evacuation alarm started up. Eventually I ran too. I barely made it to the escape pods, and there was one left when I got there." his eyes had grown distant, lost in the memory, "I was getting in when Leonis from engineering stumbled in. She was bleeding and he had her brother with her, poor man was out like a light."

"What did you do?" Chirrut asked, his expression implying he already knew the answer. The group's attention was focused entirely on Bodhi, eagerly awaiting the tale of his daring escape.

"What do you mean? I gave them the pod, of course." Bodhi looked at him strangely, like there had been no other choice. Despite himself, Cassian felt a surge of warmth at Bodhi's earnest selflessness.

"You gave up an escape pod?" Baze asked incredulously, "How did you get out?"

"I didn't." Bodhi said simply, oblivious to Cassian's blood freezing in his veins. Bodhi's eyes crinkled amusedly at the chorus of confusion and surprise their friends let out.

"What do you mean you 'didn't'?" Cassian demanded over the din, louder than he intended. Bodhi didn't seem to mind.

"Honestly, I don't remember much." he said sheepishly, "As soon as I'd made sure Leonis was clear, I tried to find a other way out. I remember an explosion behind me, this... crackling pain all across my back, and then suddenly I couldn't breathe." he gave them a crooked smile, like the traumatic experience was distant and unimportant, "And then I woke up in an Imperial hospital two weeks later. Apparently, I'd been spaced."

" _What!?_ " Cassian yelped, drowned out by the shouts and gasps of the others.

"It's fine, guys." if Bodhi was taken aback by their strong reactions, he didn't give any indication, "The TIE fighters picked me and a few other survivors up. I wasn't exposed to the vacuum long enough to sustain lasting damage. Just enough to crack my head on some passing debris and pass out. Also, apparently my back was on fire and the lack of oxygen extinguished it, so it was a bit of a mixed blessing. But the burns are still there." Bodhi finally seemed to realize he was now the center of attention. He looked down abashedly, fiddling with his goggles.

"Ah, not the ideal first encounters, eh Cassian?" he joked, not looking him in the eyes.

"Way to go, Cassian." K2 teased, "You nearly killed our defector before he even defected." K2's words were meant in jest, but the tightness in Cassian's throat threatened to overwhelm him. He stood up suddenly, uncaring of the caf he knocked over in his haste. He strode away from the suddenly confining table as quickly as he could, Bodhi's worried brown eyes boring into his back.

His friends called after him. He pretended not to hear.

\---

The hold of his ship was quiet and Cassian was enjoying it until something hit his shoulder painfully. He whirled around, blaster leveled just in time to see a wrench fall harmlessly to the ground. He looked up and saw Bodhi's unimpressed face watching him over his blaster's barrel. Cassian lowered it as quick as he could without seeming afraid, heart skipping unpleasantly at the image of Bodhi at the end of his weapon.

"Why the wrench?" he asked, forcing his voice to sound casual, like he hadn't stormed out on everyone a few hours ago.

"You worried me earlier." was Bodhi's explanation. Cassian shrugged, not looking at Bodhi. There was a moment of awkward silence before Bodhi sighed.

"I didn't mean to upset you." he said, reaching out to touch Cassian's shoulder, "I just wanted to share. I thought it was funny, that we'd come close to meeting before. If anyone had told me years ago that I'd be dating the man that kept blowing up my ships, I'd have reported them for insanity." Bodhi's laugh loosened the tightness in Cassian's chest, but only for a moment.

"Can I see it?" the words flowed from Cassian's mouth before he could swallow them. Bodhi tilted his head curiously.

"See what?"

"The scar. The one..." _the one I gave you._ The one he'd never seen because he always looked away when Bodhi undressed, afraid of what he might do. Bodhi looked at him strangely, but shrugged and shed his jacket. Cassian's mouth went dry when Bodhi lifted his shirt, exposing dark skin and lean hips. Cassian's appreciation was shattered when he laid eyes on the pinkened, mottled flesh of Bodhi's back.

It was far worse than he had implied, stretching from his shoulders to below the waist of his pants. The skin was mismatched and uneven, a motley canvas that spoke of survival and pain.

A memorial to what Cassian had done.

The scar seemed to taunt him, intent on reminding him that _he_ had done this to Bodhi. Before he realized what he was doing, Cassian had kneeled down and brushed his lips over the small of Bodhi's ruined back. Bodhi jumped, looking down at Cassian with apprehension and question in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Casian said, focused intently on the scar. He dragged his lips gently up Bodhi's back, standing again so his hands could drift to Bodhi's shoulders, stroking the tense muscles. Bodhi shuddered, cheeks flushing slightly.

"It's in the past." Bodhi's voice shook like his hands, "It is already over. Nothing can be done to change it."

"I did this to you." Cassian mouthed against the rough skin between Bodhi's shoulder blades, "I almost killed you."

"You didn't know me." Bodhi pointed out, his voice no louder than a whisper. Cassian brushed aside soft hair to kiss the back of Bodhi's neck, where the scar met unmarred flesh.

"I know you now." he pressed his forehead to the spot he'd just kissed. His voice lowered slightly, Cassian unable to stop his anger from seeping in, "And I almost ensured that I never did."

"Stop this." Bodhi suddenly spun to face him, taking Cassian's face firmly in his hands. "Stop blaming yourself. That's not why I shared my side of the stories."

"Your back-"

"I do not blame you." Bodhi insisted, earthy eyes staring into his with conviction, "We were both just doing our jobs. Given the chance back then, I may have blown your ship up too."

"Bodhi..." Cassian twined his arms around him, pulling him close and burying his nose into the soft hair. Bodhi released his face to return the hug, fitting perfectly in Cassian's arms.

"Let it go." Bodhi said softly, "Don't destroy yourself over this." Cassian hesitated, guilt wrestling with the innate need to please Bodhi, before finally nodding.

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask." Bodhi sighed happily, tightening his embrace.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a Dragon Age post and for some reason decided to apply it to Star Wars. I'm really sorry if it's out of character


End file.
